When God Doesn’t Take Away OCD
It started out innocent enough. I needed to wipe off surfaces after they had already been cleaned and I was fine with shaking hands with people. I just needed to wash my hands or use hand sanitizer immediately afterwards. A certain fear would surface every now that made me feel compelled to do repetitive behaviors in order to keep the fear from happening. Somewhere along the way, my OCD spiraled. I would wash cups and silverware after they had already been cleaned to keep a certain fear in check. Sometimes these repetitive behaviors would add on twenty minutes to my morning routine and leave me rushing out the door. I needed to avoid shaking people’s hands at all costs. I’d make up excuses as to why I couldn’t shake someone’s hand and say things like “I just put on lotion and my hands are still wet. I’m sorry I can’t’ shake your hands” I have OCD but not like you see in the movies. You’ve seen how they comedically portray a character who has OCD. They comedically wipe down surfaces multiple times or do a specific routine of repetitive behaviors they have to do to leave the house. But what happens when the comedy is taken away? And the person with OCD is filled with so much anxiety from having intrusive recurring fears or thoughts that they can’t breathe? That’s been me, many times and I have yet to think it’s comedic in anyway.
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 35. One reason it took so long to receive a diagnosis is because I felt ashamed to deal with OCD. I felt ashamed and thought that battling OCD made me a “bad Christian”. Maybe I needed to be more disciplined in what I thought about or have stronger faith that the OCD would go away. I thought “if my faith is strong enough, God will take the OCD away.” I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to be judged. When I finally told my therapist, who was a Christian too, she helped me see just because God hadn’t taken away the OCD, it didn’t mean I was a “bad Christian”. It didn’t mean I wasn’t praying hard enough or needed to believe harder for God to heal me. She helped me untangle the webs of shame and embarrassment so that I could start focusing on coping skills and techniques.
But why doesn’t God take away OCD? I know that God could heal me, he’s God and he can do anything. When this question baffles me, I remind myself of 2 Corinthians 12 8-9 NLT. It says “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” Paul is writing a letter to the Corinthians and in it he tells them about something he experienced. He was taken up to a third heaven or paradise and received revelations from God. In order to keep him humble, he received a thorn in his flesh. Some say the thorn Paul is referring to is a metaphor for a personal struggle, some say it was a physical aliment. I think the part we should all focus on is what Paul says next. He asked God to take away the thorn and God told him that all Paul needed was God’s grace and that his “power works best in weakness.”
Paul’s plea is that we have permission to embrace the weaknesses in our lives because God’s power can work through them. How do we go embrace the weaknesses or thorns in our lives?
We Acknowledge the Thorns Instead of Hiding Them - Hiding our thorns and weaknesses breeds shame. You and I were never created to identify with shame. Shame says “I’m wrong, as a person.” We know that while we do have sinful natures as humans, we were fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139: 14) therefore, we are know that our existence isn’t fundamentally wrong or worthless. When we acknowledge our thorns, bring them to God and seek his wisdom and discernment on how to deal with them, we bring our thorns out of darkness and expose them to the light.
We Depend of God’s Power As We Navigate Our Thorns - we were never created for self-sufficiency. As humans, we have a finite supply of strength. God’s power is endless. Whenever pride has made us believe we can navigate our thorns from our own supply of strength, it’s lied to us. God is our source of strength as we navigate our weaknesses and when we lean on him, we can experience his strength like we’ve never experienced it before.
Share Your Testimony - Maybe it’s not with a microphone on a stage, but you do have a platform. We all do. Our testimony’s let other people know they are seen and not alone. When we hear someone’s testimony, our faith is fueled. Pray about who you can share your testimony with and what details God wants you to share. When other people hear of how someone has persevered in spite of a challenge, it reminds them that they can too.
On this side of heaven, I don’t think we’ll ever understand why God heals some thorns and leaves others to still be experienced. What I do know is that I’ve experienced God’s grace in the midst of OCD. I’ve felt him making me persevere in the midst of intrusive thoughts. I know he comforts me when a certain fears feels overwhelming. He’s right beside me when I’m stuck in a thought loop. From my experience with OCD, I’m reminded how God is present with us in affliction and I’m thankful that I don’t have to experience OCD alone.
