The Practice of Self- Acceptance
I think I’ve always know that I was autistic. Maybe I didn’t have a label for it, but I think I’ve always known that I’m different. In middle school, I can remember starting to notice that I was different than my peers. I took things literally, felt exhausted from interacting with others, found it difficult to concentrate for long periods of time and often found it difficult to hold eye contact with others. I’ve always been someone who has a lot of thoughts.
Fast forward to college, and I discovered alcohol and started binge drinking. When I drank, I found socializing to be easy and the abundant of thoughts I had seemed to quiet. It wasn’t until my late 20s when I was in a therapy session that I decided to see if I was autistic. I was explaining some of the things I was struggling with and she suggested that I might want to get an evaluation for autism. I wasn’t surprised when I was diagnosed with autism. It explained so much about me and the experiences I’ve had. Still, I binge drank to deal with my experiences as an autistic adult. I coped with sensory overwhelm and burnout with alcohol because I didn’t know any other way to be a wife, mom and autistic adult without alcohol. I decided to get evaluated and for ADHD at 34 because I noticed that I was still finding it difficult for long periods of time, beginning and completing certain tasks were still challenging for me and I found myself daydreaming a lot.
So here I am at 35. I’m a sober autistic adult with ADHD. Honestly, life looks a lot different for me than I thought it would. God is teaching me the practice of self-acceptance. Practicing self-acceptance means that I’m letting go of my expectations and accepting what is. This truly is a practice. There are plenty of times I find myself feeling discontentment, and then I ask myself “are you holding on to your expectation for this or accepting what is?”. There are plenty of times I wish certain things would be easier for me. But I have to remind myself that God was not having a bad day when He made me. The Bible says that “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.” - Colossians 1:16. This is the truth: I was created intentionally by God and you were, too. This is not an invitation to take the challenges and obstacles we face on Earth lightly. Nor is this an invitation to stay stagnant and not want to develop in any areas of our lives. To me, practicing self-acceptance means that I’m not a mistake. Self-acceptance means that I believe there is a purpose behind my circumstances, even if I don’t see it yet. This can only be true when I believe that God truly does work all things for my good and His Glory.
Whatever has you feeling frustrated because it isn’t matching your expectations or plans, I invite you to try practicing self-acceptance. Ask God, your Creator, to help you see the areas of your life that you need to accept and the areas of your life that have opportunities for you to grow. God loves to do life with us. God loves to help us see ourselves through His lens.
